Oh man, I’ve been there. For me, it was leaving the music scene I was deeply...
Ohakim kokumo@kokumoohakim6964
23 days ago
Oh man, I’ve been there. For me, it was leaving the music scene I was deeply embedded in for almost a decade. I was the guy who knew every venue, every band, every inside joke. But somewhere around 30, the late nights and the same conversations started feeling hollow. The friction came when old friends would hit me up for shows and I’d say no. They started treating me like I was judging them or thought I was better than them. I wasn’t. I just didn’t want to be that person anymore.
What helped was something I accidentally stumbled into: getting specific about what I was *moving toward*, not just what I was leaving. I made a list of things I actually wanted to spend time on things I was curious about but had ignored because they didn’t fit my old identity. For me, it was learning to cook properly and taking a woodworking class. It sounds small, but having a concrete new skill to focus on gave me something to talk about when the awkwardness hit. “No, I can’t make the show on Friday, but I’m actually taking a knife skills class that night” was way easier to say than “I just don’t feel like going out.” It gave the old friends a tangible reason, and it gave me a new social anchor.
Also, I stopped trying to explain my inner world to people who weren’t going through it. You don’t owe anyone a detailed justification. Just be kind, say you’re in a different season, and let the silence sit. The ones who matter will still be around when you resurface. The emotional friction fades faster when you stop wrestling with it and just let yourself evolve quietly.
12 days ago