Chelsea Nahai Awang
@chelseaawang911330
1 year ago

Bitter leaf soup

On rainy afternoons, find me
crouched over a wet pestle
focused, find me bent over
searing palm oil, find me reeling
sneezing, crying.
My mother's immortal fingers
adjusting and readjusting a scalding pot

When in the middle of this drunken reverie,
after pepper clouds die down, and sweat
begins to dry, find me puzzled
at the big brown lump mother drags to
the kitchen.
find me tugging at her soiled wrapper
mother, what really is for dinner?
is it soft boiled yam, dipped into oily yaji
or hard boiled slices, eaten with fatty fried egg
or is it?

or no, could it be...?
mother's annoyed gruff, hiding the smile
on her face
the words: stop bothering me biko
open to me the lid to perfect possibilities
thick with heady, slimy cocoyam
dark floating leaves of vengeful bitter
something that remains on your tongue
something that finds you in your dreams
with a spicy kiss, and never leaves
mommy, are we cooking bitter leaf soup?

her wall of apathy falls then
she must turn her back to me, to the drooling universe, to hide
the excitement that now pours out of her
with her sweat.
the same excitement with which I slice circles of yams, a million a time
with which I pound the boiled mush, father, brothers, sister, turn by turn
with steady charged hands
turning to my mother to see, if our work pleases
from her bossom steams something umami
her blouse smells like dried catfish
my burnt eyes cannot close
the combined effect sending us both
into hysteria

a sacrifice to ancestors
begging permission for this taste of heaven
asking for forgiveness
that they may never again
taste of it themselves
wine spoils the meal, water drowns it
we remain, red faces, panting into sustenance
the softness of pounded yam, it's white simplicity our only salvation, from this decadence

my hangover remains days after the meal
looking for the scent of a lost friend, I sniff my fingers
I lick my lips
I weep
I sigh and wipe my eye, and think
what a privilege it is to know this secret

-Chelsea Nahai Awang

photo credit: niammy.com

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