When You're Always The Victim (CONT'D)

Segun Iwasanmi
@iwasanmisegun212159
25 days ago

© Segun Iwasanmi
" This Thing Called Life " Series — Episode 15
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You know what I mean. Mummy never apologizes. Daddy never admits fault. When you try to explain something, it’s “Are you talking back at me?” or “When you have your own house, you can talk.” So, unknowingly, we grow up thinking taking responsibility means weakness. We shout at our siblings for the same thing our parents did to us, and still justify it.

Try to point it out and you’ll hear, “This one is different,” or “It’s not like that.” But it is like that. Only this time, the voice sounds like yours.

I remember one evening in Ondo, I was in a bus. The driver and a passenger were quarreling. The driver said the passenger insulted him; the passenger swore the driver insulted first. People started supporting sides until one old man sitting at the back said quietly, “You people are both right, but you’re both wrong.” The whole bus went silent.

That’s perception. Everyone fighting to prove they were the victim. Nobody asking if they could have been the trigger.

The danger of always seeing yourself as the victim is that it blinds you to growth. You can’t learn from what you blame. You’ll never fix what you refuse to see as your fault. You’ll keep losing people and calling it betrayal, not realizing you pushed them away with your own behavior.

And this applies to both male and female. Some men too, once you correct them, you’ve declared war. They’ll go silent, acting wounded, until you start apologizing for something you didn’t cause. They live permanently on defense.

But healing begins when you stop editing the story to make yourself the innocent one. When you stop calling every correction “attack” and start asking, “What if I’m wrong?”

It’s not shameful to be wrong. It’s only shameful to stay blind when the truth is right in front of you.

So, before you pick up that familiar line, “They always misunderstand me”, ask yourself this: what if the misunderstanding is mutual? What if they saw something you refused to see?

Because sometimes, the person you’re always fighting is the mirror.

Stay tuned for the next Episode...

© Segun Iwasanmi | ™The Man With The Story.
Book Writer | Screen and Scriptwriter | Creative Fiction Writer | Book Editor.
I help people turn rough ideas into bold stories that work.

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