.......to merely exist.
Franklin A.N.@anfranklin784877
1 day ago
There's this urge just to merely exist, to just wake up and hope you don't feel the lump on your throat,to not wander aimlessly in your mind and create a billion scenarios of what it should have looked like and not what it merely is, and this feeling comes from a knowing of being more.
I know millions of African people have scaled through the years in the same vein,by pretending that the real world doesn't exist,by focusing on whats in front of them and not stretching it so much to the extremity of fighting out the purpose of living.
I myself have seen myself basking in my African-ness,seeing the challenges that it brings on in my own day and time; in the journey as well, understanding why our elders have so much heaviness in their hearts, why our parents shout ,but its not in the shouting that lays the message,it's the fear behind it, it's the love they feel but fail to express better because the topography wasn't kind to them as well, because the circumstances were hard to them as well, because they wanted to be understood and finding no one to,they became callous in such a way that they act as if they have a manual to having it all together when in actuality,it could be fear and confusion brewing inside of them.
A weight that constantly weighs in on them that they loose purpose and meaning. It's how they learnt to merely exist, to barely perform to excellence because everything hit them so hard they conformed.
The conformity is not something merely absorbed by everyone, it's not a thing to be absorbed by a person like me and I know so many others;Africans like I myself.
Some days,I want to merely exist, just to distract myself from the weight of purpose and the carving of it,but then I realise I was made for more,I was not born to di_ë before I I get the chance to live,I don't want to be the one who carries heavy eyes and a heavy heart because at the point,I have lost navigation of what purpose I am living.
I didn't come to grow,eat, fight and struggle,be pessimistic,be sad,be broken and accept what's in front of me ,just merely exist ,it is not for what I came, it's not for what a lot of Africans like me came for, to "merely exist".
I know there's more.
I also acknowledge, being in Africa without certain advantages doesn't avail you the opportunity to live your actual dreams except cards were played out for you perfectly.
But to 'merely exist' is what the African child was programmed for,it's what the African youth is expected to play by just like a written out script ,and hence I , myself have gotten to understand a lot of why's but it's not for me to accept and settle like those before me, that's not what I came for, and that's not what some young Africans in so many parts of the world will accept.
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