THE MIND. MY MIND.
Muthoni Ivy@ivymuthoni709024
23 days ago
WHAT NOW?
I cannot seem to shake this feeling off my chest and before you ask, I do not know what it is. I looked at the sky for 2 hours and the one particular star blinked at me and then disappeared as soon as I blinked back. Well, wait, I just liked you back, come back.
Anyway, I went for a swim today. As soon as I was sure the water wasn’t out to get me, I enjoyed my time. To be honest, I don’t connect well with the water as I do with nature but you know a thing or two about giving chances, right?
well, I did not get the sign I asked for. Did I look in the wrong place? did I ask the wrong deity? did I get way over my head again? or did I just not wait long enough. ugh… I’m still waiting anyway, I’ll let you know if I catch a glimpse.
Life is crazy. people are too. Sometimes when I want to do it by myself, I find it depressing. I hit a nerve that was meant to stay hidden. I don’t want to cry and I sure as hell did not summon the tears. What am I? a baby?
Almost every act of “kindness” had it’s catch. I’m sorry I didn’t learn how to just take it, let me get my wallet real quick.
Not long after I got home the phone rang. Guess who? Keep guessing
So I lay back on the roof and can you(again) guess what I was thinking? Anyway, what if in our previous worlds(are they called worlds still?) they’re still mourning us? They must not have wished for you to rest in peace.
I can’t actually remember when I decided to tune out the emotions I was rather supposed to deal with. Ugh!
I haven’t kissed a boy in a long time and you know what that means? Absolutely nothing. I haven’t wanted to.
Have you ever been so full of rage and actually denied the chance to lash out? Like for example, a person who wronged you dying before you get your revenge? Too dark for you? you don’t know what that feels like.
I went to the mall and bought myself a few gifts. things?! Anyway, I did it. All for myself by myself. Apparently the feeling of needing people around you wears out at 21 years old and before 22 you turn to that one person you actually need to make decisions for you. Myself.
Turns out I’m not from this world. But we already knew that, didn’t we? I arrived on this train a few days. I wasn’t old enough to pay the fare but enroute I grew up and now my pockets run dry. I wonder how long this train will need me. or I it. ugh!
I climbed a mountain. That’s an adventure that I can’t share the feeling of with anyone. Apparently, I’m the one who can decide what and how much to tell you.
You see kids and dolls? Give an adult a phone and they won’t raise their head to see the sky in time for shooting stars to wish upon. Before I got on my phone here to rant, I stared at the sky for hours and the world ceased to exist. I saw a warrior shaped cloud.
Talk about being present. No, actually talk about abandoning your thoughts in the present. If I keep company I won’t get enough time to stress. Running much?
I lost a few pounds. I did my hair good. I washed and perfumed. I smiled and waved. When does it end?
(Disclaimer:This isn’t an article. It’s a moment I didn’t want to explain.)
#nircle #nirclecircle #messy thoughts
#writing
