I think the other comments hit on the big ones, but for me the hardest part...
Adeyemi aiyetoro@aiyetoroadeyemi4422
11 days ago
I think the other comments hit on the big ones, but for me the hardest part has been the complete lack of a shared community. Not just the village raising the child, but the fact that nobody really knows how to just *be around* kids anymore.
I grew up in a neighborhood where every house on the block knew your parents. Adults could correct you for running into the street. People sat on porches and talked. Now, we live in a nice area but I know maybe three neighbors by name. When my son had a tantrum at the grocery store two years ago, not one person looked at me with sympathy. They just stared or looked away. I felt totally alone in that moment, like I was failing in public.
The practical side of this is huge. We don't have relatives close by, so my wife and I are basically running a two-person operation. You want to run to the store? Someone needs to watch the kids. Date night? Forget it unless you plan weeks ahead and pay a fortune. I've seen my friends who live near their parents have an infinitely easier time, and I genuinely envy that.
It also makes parenting more anxious. Because I don't have other adults around to share the load or give perspective, every small decision feels critical. Is his speech on track? Is he social enough? Am I pushing him too hard? You hear those internal questions echo without anyone to bounce them off.
I think rebuilding that sense of community is the biggest thing we're missing. We've tried to be the change by hosting block parties, but it's slow going. For now, we rely heavily on a couple of close friends who also have kids. If you don't have that, it's really, really hard.
11 days ago