I grew up with the "because I said so" approach. It shut me down fast, but...

I grew up with the "because I said so" approach. It shut me down fast, but it also taught me that obedience mattered more than understanding. When I became a parent, I knew I didn't want that. What helped me most was slowing down. When my kid does something wrong, I take a breath and say, "Let's talk about what happened." It sounds simple, but it's hard in the moment. I remind myself that discipline is teaching, not punishing.

One thing that shifted everything for me was focusing on connection before correction. If my son is acting out, I try to figure out what's underneath. Is he hungry? Tired? Feeling ignored? About 80 percent of the time, addressing the root cause fixes the behavior without any lecture. The other 20 percent, I sit with him and say, "I love you, but this choice isn't okay. Here's why." Then we figure out a consequence that fits, like losing screen time for the afternoon if he threw a tablet. It's not perfect. Sometimes I still raise my voice, and I apologize after. That apology is huge. It shows them I'm learning too.

The biggest mistake I made early on was trying to be the opposite of my parents in every way. That backfired because I went too soft and had no boundaries. Kids need structure. The key for me was finding a middle ground: firm but kind, consistent but flexible.

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Fiorentino Kamari @kamarifiorentino7070

Ugh, that 'because I said so' line hit me right in the chest. I remember that feeling of just... shutting off. It took me years to realize that wasn't normal. The part about going too soft in the beginning—YES. I did the same thing. Thought I'd break the cycle by never saying no, and ended up with a kid who didn't know where the walls were. That middle ground is so hard to find but damn does it feel right when you get it. Thanks for laying it out like this, genuinely.
11 days ago

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