FOXES IN MARRIAGE

Whyte Queen
@WhyteQueen
8 years ago

Foxes in marriages are little things that seem insignificant but can spoil/ruin marriages e.g. a dirty man/woman lacking a good character.Little foxes in marriages may come in the form of:    External Relationships: Brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers and friends fall into the category of external relationships that may intrude on marriages. Whenever you have an issue with your spouse, it’s wrong to invite a third part especially at every little thing or slightest provocation. Remember three is a crowd. I’m not saying you shouldn’t share your problems with friends and families, just know what to share and what to hold back. If you feel your partner won’t listen to you, devise means to let him/her know how you feel and do it wisely and with respect for your spouse. Don’t shout, don’t scream, choose your words wisely.    Men be careful what you say to your wives because anything you say will be used against you in the ‘court of disagreement'    Being Thoughtless/Preoccupied All the Time: It can be annoying trying to get the attention of your spouse especially when he/she is watching a movie or football match. This single attitude distances your spouse from you. He comes back from work and he wants to tell you what a hectic day he heard but you’re so engrossed in that movie, don’t worry when he tells that pretty babe outside who’s willing to listen, then you would understand how you’ve chosen a partner in movie that you won’t be awarded for and lost a true confidant in your husband. This also applies for me and they are mostly wrong in this area. Don’t concentrate too much on work, if possible let work be done in the office and have a spouse time together. It’s very important.    Forgetting Special Days: Most couples forget days that matter to a relationship; days like Birthdays, Mothers’/Fathers' Day, Anniversaries and other auspicious days. These days couples are expected to do things they never do on ordinary days and so skipping/forgetting these days could be twice as hurtful and beating or hitting your spouse. Much importance should not be placed on work and if it must (being unavoidable), another nearest date should be fixed to suffice. Don’t forget to apologize to him/her when you see they’re evident,y unhappy. If you know you are always quite busy to remember such things, then set a reminder ahead of such days.    Constant Criticism and Comparison: The constant criticism and comparison (CCC) of a spouse to an image or individual could be really hurtful. Remember you had not married what you compare your spouse to but you’ve married your spouse.    He/she doesn’t dress to your taste or style? Transform him/her. He/she acts in an appalling/unethical way, teach him/her. She doesn’t know how to cook, teach her or buy a cookbook and prepare the meal together. Imagine you’ve just gotten married and all the while on your honeymoon you guys have been ordering food outside, then family members and friends decides they want to have dinner and you asks her to prepare dinner for ten and she agrees. Then these guests come over and conversations started and then dinner starts and to your utmost surprise, you happen to taste the food first and discover it was horrible! And they’re about to eat the food. What do you do? Do you cover up for her? Or you call her bluff instantly?An average man would call her bluff instantly but a loving man would make up excuses for his wife. You ask her nicely why she hadn’t told you she couldn’t cook, there’s always a fear behind every mistake made by your spouse. Probably she feared you would never want her again being a person with love for homemade food. But if you are one that constantly compare, you’ll find your spouse making mistakes to cover up for excesses or being too afraid to take some risks.    An actress claimed she was having a great life. She would brag about the latest and expensive car and phone her husband had bought for her. This almost wrecked most homes because wives were comparing their husbands to her husband. At the end of the day, it was discovered it was all a farce. He was never a caring man rather she had been the one buying all those stuff for herself to suit her so-called status and to think this people were wishing their spouses were like her husband. Never compare your spouse to another; be careful what you wish for.    If you don’t appreciate what you have, what you have will depreciate — Anonymous    Taking your Spouse for Granted: Anytime a couple had an issue, the wife was always the one to apologize whether or not she was wrong. She bore all the pain, abuse and maltreatment her gave to her. A certain day, the man hit her and asked her to leave the house. She begged him and he refused to listen. She left the house. After only a week, he discovered he could not do things she found so easily to do. He had to beg on his kneels for her. Now what’s to say he was not going to repeat same? It all depends on him and his convictions not to repeat same. Never take your spouse’s meekness for weakness, or quietness for foolishness. There’s a limit to what he/she can take.    Not Spending Quality Time with Your Spouse: Out of 24 hours a day, you spend only close to 3–5 hours with your spouse. Truly absence they say makes the heart grow fonder, but this time away or distance could be reduced by a single act. Why not send her/him a sweet text reminding him/her of your love or giving him/her a call during your break at work. You’re not romantic? Problem solved! There are apps that can help you out; you may do well to download them. If you’re going to be late, call and apologise but don’t make this the order of the day; don’t do this all the time it will make him/her feel like they were puppets and you were just pulling the strings.    Not Listening/Letting Him/Her Talk: When you don’t listen, you don’t learn, you don’t understand anything — there’s no two ways about it. The habit of listening rather than speaking should be cultivated. Listening builds communication skills and helps you act wiser. You are the type that want to pour out all your mind at once, take of easy. Remember you both are a team and there’s never going to be a winner no matter how hard you try. You both should take turns to speak, then you’ll act like civilized people and wouldn’t take or make rational decisions because you’re in the right frame of mind. Listening helps teach your mind the next important steps to take but when you always want to do the talking, you’ll find yourself making mistakes repeatedly.    Continued Irritating Habits:    Your shoes are always dumped in one corner of the house and “Honey” doesn’t like it. She’s told you it’s not fair for visitors to enter and meet your shoe inside the living room but you consistently continue?    You constantly leave dishes unwashed or dumps clothes in one corner of the room, or you’re always lazy to pick up a broom and “Hearthrob” isn’t finding it funny and have spoken to you several times to quit these habits but you consistently continue.These little foxes eat up marriages and before you realize, your partner can’t take no more. If you’ve been able to consider that person’s hurt, then you won’t find yourself repeating the same mistake over and over again.    The secret to not repeating same mistake is simple, think five reasons the person doesn’t like it and then put yourself in his/her shoes, then you’ll be able to understand their concerns.    Infidelity: Infidelity is almost a trend in marriages. “I can’t keep to one woman” mentality. It’s sad to note here that men are mostly found wanting in this area. Needless to say, when a woman commits adultery it’s seen as an eyesore but as a man “it’s a trend”. Adultery whether on the part of the man or woman is absolutely wrong and a moral decadence. When you sex a person, it is believed you become one. That’s one salient reason marriage and sex should be likened to a covenant — twain becoming one flesh. In marriage, 1+1=1. Her pain becomes his pain, his money becomes her money and vice versa.    Interference with Spouse’s Disciplinary Actions against the Kids in their Presence: Correction of kids is a dual duty. Parents are duty bound to correct children whether it’s from the father or mother. Never tell your spouse the beaten or punishment is too much for a child in his/her presence. This makes the child feel like he’s been loved by the spouse who is unhappy with the correction. This invariably makes the child to repeat same actions which he knows would lead to disagreement between the couples. Sometimes children may be totally unaware of this, most times they are and when they find this as a weapon, they will use it at will. Even you don’t like the punishment melted out, call your spouse inside the room in your privacy without the knowledge of the spouse and tell him/her the way you feel and encourage your spouse to use other methods of corrections.    Unresolved Conflicts/Unforgiveness: Unforgiveness and unresolved conflicts are like faeces kept in a bucket, decomposing until it becomes very toxic even to the bucket itself and whoever inhales it. Couples should always ensure they resolve conflicts no matter how big or small. When your spouse annoys you and apologizes, if you need time, simply ask for it and do not make it tarry. Don’t be in a hurry to say “Yes I forgive you” when deep down you haven’t done that.    “Say what you mean and mean what you say”    Not Thinking the Best but Assuming the Worst: He’s keeping a secret, he leaves the house on time and sources tell you he keeps on meeting one particular lady. Conclusions? He’s cheating on me. You fight, hit him and send him out of the house. At the end of the day, it turns out the Lady was a real estate agent and he was buying your dream house. What to do? You caused it! You ruined things! You should have found out more before assuming the worst. What’s a great relationship if it lacks trust. Now trusting your spouse doesn’t mean you don’t stare for bitches and snatchers, it means fighting for what is yours; having enough evidences before dealing the final blow. What’s keeping him out of the house? What was he not seeing in you again that he loved? Ask yourself these things. Most women after giving birth to a child, look haphazard and unkempt. Men love it looking good always. You don’t know how to cook and he eats homemade food from that snatcher? Learn to make the best meals that would keep his eyes rolling only for you; food that would make his mouth water even at work; food that would make him come home before the expected time; do things that would make him feel like a king, do things that would make her feel like a Queen in your palace. Buy gifts and personal effects not necessarily on auspicious days. You saw a dress that would look beautiful on her? Buy it. Saw a Shirt that would look good on his suit? Get it!    These little things that we feel don’t matter, these little foxes that spoil the vine inadvertently affects marriages    Lack of Defined Purpose: He’s handsome! She’s beautiful! He’s rich! She is classy! He plays with kids! Her voice sounds sonorous, may probably rock me to sleep every night! We have same tastes! We love the same wines! These are some of the outrageous reasons people get married. You find these marriages don’t last for year, then you hear “I want a divorce!” How can it last when you married for the wrong reasons. The only reason one should have to get married is because you love that person, you’ve been able to overlook his/her flaws and love that person for everything that person stands for including her problems and joys.    “Remember ‘for better for worse; for richer for poorer, till death do us part’ is not a mime. It’s a promise that’s meant not to be broken. It’s a sacred code which should not be abused or misused”.    Turning Your Partner into a Subject of Discourse/Laughter: Yeah he doesn’t treat you right. You go to the salon, he is the subject of discussion, you sit amongst your friends and you complain of your pains. This could really turn out bad. If you must invite a third party into conflicts in your marriage, never make the mistake of telling friends because they might lead you astray with advice. The only accepted people to confide in are your parents and your pastor. Never make fun of your spouse because you give those people the chance to do same.