Former Atlanta Resident Speaks Candid About Moving to Africa
Nigerians In Diaspora News@nigerians-in-diaspora-news
3 months ago
Former Altanta residents share life-changing experience of moving from the city of Atlanta, Georgia, to the serene and vibrant landscapes of Tanzania.
Here is an excerpt from their conversation:
Backstory
Dada, how has first off, give us like a backstory. Why did you decide to move to the continent of Africa? Why did you pick Tanzania? Okay, yeah, what was happening in your life?
We had already decided we were coming to the continent before COVID, but COVID really just fast-tracked everything and it really put us in a position where we were like, this is why we didn't want to live here, right? America is just not sustainable, especially Atlanta. It's just not a stable environment to raise children, to build a family, to really have the principles and infuse the principles that we wanted to infuse in our family. We just couldn't do that there, so we knew we were going to move. COVID happened, it made our move even more accelerated. So essentially, remember we went to Jamaica for a month because we couldn't get into Tanzania. Well, we couldn't get into The Gambia, which is where we were initially going through, so we went and stayed in Jamaica for a month. And that's when we found out about Tanzania. We were like, where can we go that we can get a flight because we weren't going back. That was not an option. So we were like, where are we going? So we found out about Magufuli, found out about Tanzania, and we were like, that's where we're going. So we booked a flight from Jamaica. We had to go back to the States for like two days so we could fly out, but that was it for us. And we've been here since July 2020, ever since. Never left Tanzania. And it's been such a beautiful journey. And I'm really thankful that we made the decision.
How has it changed you?
Coming up on your independence anniversary in a few days, actually, of four years. How has it changed you as a woman?
Wow, so I feel that it has rooted my womanhood and my motherhood and my wifehood in something tangible. I feel like in the West, trying to be a woman, trying to be a mother is very daunting. There's not really a blueprint. There really is no guidance, there's really no real support. Our mothers didn't really have the time and energy to devote to instilling in us those values and those attributes, those soft skills that I talk about that it takes to be a woman, to be a wife, and to be a mother. And so here, because you're surrounded by so many women that have been growing up in those skills their whole life, their mothers and their grandmothers, motherhood and womanly attributes are so natural that you just start to pick it up. And I feel like in the West, you really have to kind of fake your womanhood. You kind of have to like, it's the way you, the how much money you're spending on your outfits, how much money you're spending on your hair, versus here, none of that stuff matters. We're really looking at the character, we're really looking at the ability to be poised and to be graceful and to be honest and to be gentle and to be soft-spoken. These are all things that are very normal here and so it's really, it's allowed me to actually appreciate these roles and not figure out ways to demean them.
Well, because women here go through rites of passage. There's a rite of passage that starts very young, and you're taught how to be a woman. There are like initiations on how to be wives. There's an actual process and procedure that you go through as a woman here in any part of Africa. I think it's different in every country, but there's a consistency in that journey of womanhood. It's not just like buying a wig or a bag or getting your nails done or knowing how to beat your face or knowing how to dress for your body type that defines womanhood. It's the essence of a woman learning that from another woman, a woman teaching another woman. Like all of those things are what qualify you to actually be that. And your ability to maintain relationships with other women, like that here is something that is very easy. It's much more, I'm not saying that there's not issues, I'm sure with women with other women, but there's not this cattiness, there's not this undertone of like, I want to compete with you, I want to like, you know. So being in community with African women is different. You know, it's just different.
Being Feminine in Tanzania
I definitely learned and I remember sharing this on the videos when I was in Tanzania. I learned how to be feminine in Tanzania because I was able to be, I was able to receive help, learn what it was to be taken care of and supported by other women, knowing what it was like to ask for help, which is something that is so hard for us in Western societies. We're just not taught that. Independence is everything. Doing it by yourself, get the bag by yourself. All of those things are something that I had to personally unlearn. And I really learned how to embrace my femininity, my softness, my vulnerability, my gentleness here.
And for me in Tanzania, the thing that sealed it for us was when we gave birth here. That experience, after giving birth, being in the most vulnerable position in life after birth and seeing how they bathed me, they fed me, they came and they took the baby from me. This was just like, and this is protocol, like this isn't a luxury, this is protocol. And that for me was like, I'll never leave. I'll never leave, never. When you're in that position, and because that's really how you know who cares about you when you're in those most vulnerable times in your life. That care and intentionality that is given to you, that is how you know who is really for you. And these are people who I didn't know. I've never had that care like that from people who I grew up around, people who are in my family versus here. So for me, I was like, after that, absolutely not. You'll never see me again.
Helping Women in Africa
And on this topic of help and support, I noticed I shared something recently on Instagram about having full-time help. In South Africa, I have someone that lives with us and takes care of our family six days a week. And here, I had that as well. She didn't live with us, but I got some pushback specifically from African women, but they live in America. So we're just not used to that type of care. We're used to, you got to do it all by yourself. You need to go out, make the money, come home, and cook, clean, wash the laundry, do all of that by yourself. And that is the role of a woman. How do you counteract that to people in the US, women specifically, who have placed this hustle struggle life as a badge of honor?
I think it's sad, but that's really all they know, right? And this is why it's important that we continue to show women that there are options, show families that because it's easier on the man too if there's another person. It's not just a benefit for us. Everybody benefits, the children, the man as well. And so they understand that. And family here, it's so important. Shangazi, our Aunt Mama Rose, she is like our aunt. She's our shangazi, like she's a part of the family, Jah essentially, like his grandmother. And so her help, her assistance has allowed for us to be able to infuse this functionality and this harmonious energy into her home. She's a key part of it. And I don't really know what to tell women in the West that don't understand it other than you just have to really understand that it's not a badge of honor. You don't get any extra points. And it's not sustainable. It's just not sustainable because when we look at the neglect that is infused in the black community when it comes to children, we can look at it and tell it's not sustainable. The iPad is not a parent, the phone is not a parent. We're using these things as crutches because we're trying to be the cape. We're trying to have that cape. And it's like, listen, if I can receive the help, and I know that I'm worthy of help. We're not lazy, we're still putting work in, there's still things that are happening. And I think that's what they think. I think they feel like, oh, the person does everything and you just sit back and do nothing. It's like, no, there's an exchange, there's reciprocity, there should be at least. And so when you know you're deserving of that, in our cases, there are. What you pay shangazi, I know is above market for what the average dada here in Dar es Salaam receives. What I pay our help in South Africa is above average, including room and board. She is able to pay school fees for her children, she's able to help her family, and she's receiving an above living wage for her help and services. And we are also receiving that love and support. Penelope was so sad when y'all left. She's been sad the last few days. She's like, oh, I want to call shangazi. I asked her to call our helper shangazi to just keep that connection.
The Value of the Helper
We've just been taught something that you have to experience. One of the gentlemen in that same post that I shared, he posted, he was like, you know, I've been trying to cut expenses in my household and every time I tell my wife, can we cut the helper, she always gives me an attitude. Thank you for showing me the value of her help because really our children have so much love. Now I know from another woman's perspective why our house feels so warm, because my wife doesn't have to do it all. And so it's just a gift because it is a viable employment. And it is our responsibility to create those loving spaces for the women that are in our home to help us. But it's also an opportunity for us to show community, to have active community in our home.
Being a Better Mother
It has helped me be a better mother. I am a better mother because I have help and support here on the continent. This is a common thing, not based on your socioeconomic status. Everybody has help from when you are a mother. It's a necessity. It's almost like they are shocked if you don't. When I tell them, like, oh, I didn't have that when I gave birth to my first child, they're like, what? They are shocked. I'm even looking forward to what that looks like for me because I'm a different woman, I'm a different mother. We have a different environment and the children have more people to love on them.
Financial Stability in Tanzania
People want to know how are you able to stay, how do you make money, do you have a job here in Dar es Salaam?
That's a great question. The first key in being able to stay is you have to have already made the decision that you're not leaving. That is what's going to keep you here. You can run into financial issues, you can run into all those things, but once you've already made the decision and you've spoken that decision, that is the anchor. And then the job or the finances, that comes after. We made the decision, so that's one key reason how we're still here. After that, we just essentially became entrepreneurs. We both had jobs in the West. He left his job and I was always kind of doing freelance stuff and I just kind of migrated that over to here. Now we're doing relationship counseling, which is something that we're really honored to be in the process of doing. And so that's really where our passion is because we've already been doing it, but now we're taking it to another level. It's infusing more of those principles that relationships are really lacking in. It's really just about being creative and innovative. Creativity and innovation is what keeps you here. You can be innovative and you can be creative, you will always have a stream of income.
Africa is for Problem Solvers
Ideally, don't come to Africa looking for a job. Africa is for problem solvers. If you can identify the challenges that exist, not only in Africa but in the world, you can create a solution. Africa is for you. I don't work a traditional job, I have a company, I have a business. I teach people how to travel, how to move, how to do business in Africa. I also teach entrepreneurs how to turn their passion into purpose and then into profit, and how to scale that. You can be a full-time mother, a full-time wife, a full-time partner and be in your purpose and not live to work, but work to serve. That has really been the ability to tap into that abundance, that creativity. It has not only sustained us but kept our lives so full, so rich. Allowing us to spend six weeks in another country and maintain what we've got in another country. This has always been the dream. Len and I thought that I had to wait until I was 65, retirement age, to do that. One of the gifts that I got when we were traveling, there were older white Americans, they could tell I was American, and they were like, wow, you live here? You're doing the right thing. Live while you're young. Don't wait until they say you should stop living to retire, so to speak, because we've essentially both retired from corporate. You won't catch me at a job. I consult, I will help grow your business at a nominal fee that is in alignment with my values and lifestyle. Entrepreneurship is really the key and being able to teach that to other people, Africans on the continent, has been what has not only sustained me but fueled me with the purpose to be here. And she's so good at it. She's one of the reasons why we started doing our relationship counseling in the capacity that we're now doing it. It's much more professional, it's much more thorough. That was her guidance, her ability to really instill that confidence in you. So if you're looking to scale your business, you're looking to start the business, you need someone that's going to affirm you in that decision and that creativity that you have. So hit my Dada up, because enrollment is closed for the Africa Investors Academy right now, where we teach those skills, but when it opens up, you'll be the first to know if you're on the waitlist. Click the link in the description if you're an entrepreneur looking to build a remote-based, location-independent business. We teach that. More so if you have a desire to travel for an extended period of time, move, do business on the continent, and Tanzania is your desired country, join us at the Travel Move Do Business virtual conference for Tanzania. My husband and I will be speaking at that summit as well. You will learn more about how this move actually transformed their marriage, scaled it by leaps and bounds, the insights and the things that they've learned in their marriage of less than 5 years. There are married couples out here 20 years that don't have the intimacy that they have, the willingness to teach others. People will be married and they don't want to tell you what it's like. My Dada and Myaka are making that sacrifice because they value our people, they value family, they value marriage, and they're willing to share their trials, their tribulations, their ups and downs so that we collectively as a people can thrive in marriage and relationship.
Welcome Asante, so are you going back? Listen, listen, are you ever going to go back to the US? That question is so interesting to me. It's so interesting because I'm just like, why would I do that? Do you not see how abundant Africa is? There's just no reason, there's no need, there's no reason on this planet. There's nothing. I tell that to people all the time here. I'll never go back. They don't understand. I'm like, listen, never. Same, same, same. We get the same question in South Africa. Oh, are you going to go back? No, why do you got to do that? It's ghetto. It's the ghetto that side. I don't know if you guys have been watching the news. More than anything, even family, do I miss my family and friends? Absolutely. But they have an opportunity to visit a part of the world they've never experienced, to see the joy, to see the beauty, to see the abundance because it is here. We are not riding around on lions, we don't have, we're not living in trees. This beautiful house, this is a life that we never thought was even available to us. To have been able to tap into it and be able to have our children in environments that are safe where they see themselves, where they don't have to worry about being taught what a man is, a woman, or a man is a man. These aren't the issues that our children are facing. They just get to be children and they get to see themselves everywhere in government, on the money, in power, driving, and living in estates and beautiful homes and eating fruits and foods that are natural, that are coming from the trees. This is life. Do we want our parents and family and friends to visit? Yes, absolutely. Come see us here because life is good here. It's hard to even explain it. I want to explain it to you in detail, but I really don't have the words. I noticed too, even anytime I have a nightmare, it's always in the United States. I'm never in Africa in the nightmare. I always wake up like, thank you, God. The luxuries that we have experienced here, we live in a gated house, that's a luxury in the US. It's on a cul-de-sac, essentially. This is the cul-de-sac, the last home on the street. We can walk to get fresh tomatoes, mangoes, pineapples, coconut water. This gate, you can't get through the gate. I'm not, I wouldn't be able to live in a place where someone could just walk up to my door and knock. But even the things that happen, it's just like, okay. The luxury, I couldn't live in a place where you could just walk up to my door and knock. That seems to me, that's too invasive now because now I'm used to this separation. The luxuries I'm used to is being able to get a full basket of fruits for 20,000 shillings, which is like $8. The other day, we got passion fruits, limes, maenza, which are like oranges, so good. They're already gone. We need to go today. Watermelon, nazi, all these things for $8, organic, off the tree. They're everywhere, they're like falling off of the stands. That's a luxury to me. Even with the challenges, it doesn't hold weight to what. Don't send me no more invitations to come to your graduation, to your wedding. I love you, but if it's not happening on the continent of Africa, it's probably not going to happen. It's a spiritual thing too. Africa is a very spiritual place and I feel that our spirits now don't mesh with the West. Spiritually, it doesn't align. It's not in alignment with my values.
Source: Ashley In Afrika
