AUGUST THOUGHTS

Franklin A.N.
@anfranklin784877
9 days ago

I note my thoughts down so much this August.
The gloom is fading out quietly but not quickly.
My nervous system is calming down but still locked up in uncertainty; not the kind of uncertainty where you don't know where you are headed but an uncertain 'how'.
July and August is when things end and begin for me,it's just slow at the time, but today I woke up lighter.
The weight a bit lighter and the quietness is not too gloomy anymore.

There's movement and this movement is as though light peers through a thick forest and it's as though this light flickers in darkness.It's like a glimmer.

I trace back to a few days,weeks past and maybe months too, and I see a track record of how things evolved. "Chaos tending to perfection", I think I heard a phrase like that from my brother sometime ago,that chaos tends to perfection or some sort of phrase like that.

Death is peaceful. When all the struggles end and all the reasons to be become unnecessary to be shown,no essence of worth being proven.
Just a quiet, sullen death of an old self, an old life, an old pattern, an old being.
It's so liberating,but then a wonder on how life picks up in subtle pieces, just by reading the title of a book, to the front page and then a curiosity to see what it's about because there's nothing left to do but just distract from what is.
And then this curiosity becomes the beginning of a new era, just the inquisition of a movie, becomes a new obsession and a reason to seek life or an imitation of the life so beautifully staged behind scripts; then suddenly you find yourself like an inner you is shouting 'Eureka', you should follow this path.
Sometimes it's in finding yourself behind a mirror, it's in cutting your hair sometimes and watch growth beautifully as it is, the yearn for something new and the process of grooming.
Sometimes it's in smiling with those you love, not necessarily those who love you,for I discovered myself that it's more powerful to love ,than being given love.

It's in letting go,it's in choosing sleep over a walk sometimes,it's in leaving some battles alone, it's in just being and it's in enjoying favourite meals and looking out for your favourite drink, sometimes it's in dancing naked and singing a tune in the bathroom with you being your only audience and cheerleader.

Evolving sometimes could be in saying the prayer so weakly as it leaves your guts, it's in a subtle mention of just 'God'; and then you fall asleep not because sleeping is pleasant today but because the day in August is heavy and you need to rest and escape reality;then tomorrow,he gives you the strength to complete the statement with 'Help me ' and then you begin to evolve, quietly,also in deep gloom too but then you know you stood up and dressed your sheets faster than yesterday.

You woke up to smile with a loving family,you just left yesterday where it was and then ask yourself, What's August 19th going to birth?

Because now,the death and burial has taken place, it's now a quiet sprout happening, sometimes in pain, sometimes painlessly but in all processes,it happens quietly but then it comes to a place everyday where it has to become something better,maybe not obviously seen but it always has to evolve.

✍🏾_
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Jenebu Jess Peter

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